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"In His law he meditates day and night" Psalm 1:2
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Your Daughter’s Wardrobe: A Battle Worth Fighting?
Volume 13, Number 5
Paul Forshey |
April 13, 2008 |
Meditating on the Word
"In His law he meditates day and night" Psalm 1:2
"Meditating on the Word," edited by Wayne Burger, is a work of the Columbine church of Christ, 7453 S. Zephyr Ct., Littleton, Colorado, 80128. E-mail: burgpreach@prolynx.com -- Suggested topics are welcomed.
Vol. 13 No. 5 April 13, 2008
Your Daughter’s Wardrobe: A Battle Worth Fighting?
As my friend and I shared coffee in her kitchen she lamented over the girl her young son was dating.
“She’s wearing a belly ring!” she cried.
“Sometimes girls don’t realize what they’re doing,” I suggested.
“She knows what she’s doing! I asked her what the motivation was in having a belly ring,” said this frightened mother with a look of sadness in her face.
The girl’s answer: “It makes me feel more sexy!”
While I do believe that some girls simply follow today’s fashion standards with much naiveté, I recognize that many of them are very aware of the power they wield. What’s a mother to do?
The statistics of social science tell us that the battle is one we must fight. The Medical Institute for Sexual Health (MISH) has listed five factors that place a girl at the highest risk of sexual activity at any early age, and a girl who “looks older that she actually is” is one of the factors listed. These girls are made to look older by fashion and make-up, most of which hints at or blatantly advertises her sexuality. There is a strong case to argue that the end result of today’s immodest fashion is sexual promiscuity. I don’t know about you, but I want to remove anything that places my sweet daughter at risk of having her heart broken by sexual sin. But how does a mom address it effectively?
1. Start earlier than you would expect
More critical research tells us that the most formative years for a young woman’s sexual values are between the ages of – hold on to your seats, Mom – 8 and 10. When age-appropriate guidelines and truths in the areas of sexuality, purity, and modesty are established during these years, they tend to stick! Talk to your daughter about modesty now rather than after she’s fully developed – she’s more likely to embrace your views. Talking to her before she develops also allows you to avoid making her feel like her new curves are “bad.” The issue is not her body. God made it, and it is beautiful. The issue is the clothes.
2. Celebrate her beauty
It’s important to give your daughter confidence in the beauty of her body. As our daughters begin to develop curves, they often feel self-conscious and struggle with issues of self-esteem. Not talking about the changes at all is as bad as making her feel the curves are bad. Talk freely about the precious changes in her body.
Each of these should be an opportunity to openly discuss the beauty of the female body and to present some precious Scripture to show her how very much God celebrates her beauty. (Psalm 45, a wedding psalm; Psalm 139:13-16.)
3. Call immodesty what it is
According to the Hebrew and Greek definitions, sin is missing God’s intended purpose for our lives. Look back at that verse from Proverbs. God’s purpose for a woman sexually is to “intoxicate” one man with her sensual beauty. A woman or young girl is absolutely worthy of the stares that may come her way, but God says that the unique characteristics of her sensual beauty are to be treasured secrets – secrets to keep for one man. When a girl dresses immodestly, she creates arousal in many men. That is missing the purpose of God’s carefully crafted masterpiece. Is it just fashion? No. Immodesty is sin. And we must call it that when we talk to our daughters.
4. Offer positive solutions
Don’t get caught up in all the “no-no’s” of fashion. Give your daughter some fun practical ideas for dressing. For example, the trend now is low-riders, but these have to be worn just right or they can be very immodest. Encourage your daughter to search for an extra long tank top (easily purchased in the guy’s department) to tuck deeply into her loosely fitting low-riders. She can get an even better look by topping it off with a trendy over shirt.
Does she like the look of the short-cropped top? Be firm. That’s not going to work for your family. But you can get a similar look with layers. Start with a long tank top firmly tucked into her pants. The key to this is that the tank should be loose-fitting. Then, add one or two shorter shirts on top of this.
Is she struggling with the length of her shorts or skirts? Have her sit cross-legged across from a mirror. This helps her to gain an understanding of what everyone else might see if she wears the outfit. It also helps her to internalize her decision about a certain outfit, keeping the focus positive as you affirm her decision.
The bottom line is that modesty is a positive choice and when it’s presented early and with a positive focus, it’s embraced much more easily.
Presented by Carol Perry
Parker Ladies’ Day 2006
“As a ring of gold in a swing’s snout so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” Proverbs 11:22
Is She Your Daughter?
Sunday afternoon as I went about my work in the office, I realized the presence of someone in the auditorium. As usual, I checked to see who and what manner of business it involved. Two mod-styled teenagers (from the back I could not tell if male or female) were sitting with bare feet propped over the back of the pew. When my presence was sensed they scurried, unsuccessfully, to try to hide. Quieting their fears, I let them know they were welcome so long as they respected the environment and what it means as a place of worship.
When I inquired about the reason for their being in the building, one replied, “Well, we used to go to church here. My parents, though, have not brought us in so long I was just lonely to be in the building again. Besides, I wanted my friend to see where we used to go to church.”
The words can be weighed in different ways, as you will recognize immediately. They could be unrealistic, issuing from discomfort and embarrassment. But there are so many other things that could have been said, in the circumstance, would perhaps have been less self-revealing. Surely none could have so completely revealed the possibility of impending disaster in a young life! True or untrue, I have since wondered so many times how I would feel if she were my daughter? May I ask, “Could she be yours?”
Maybe the encounter has no real personal demand for any of us. Maybe…if I had a family, though, and were not presently faithful in worship and Bible study, I would be ill at ease with these thoughts lodged in my mind. If my children wanted to show their friends where they “used to go to church” I would change courses immediately. Let’s call the family together for a soul-searching recommitment to Christ. After all, she could have been your daughter!
Paul Forshey
“Fathers…bring them (children) up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Eph. 6:4.
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